Craziness!
by Lord Rekhyt
Summary: Just a random fic I wrote. Humor ensues! R&R please! SasuNaru
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing, since if Kishimoto ever read this, he would probably turn me into a frog and feed me to a pair of rabid jellyfish… And I'm not even sure if they'd eat me, since I'm really a cat in disguise! Uh-huh. I am.

**Warnings: **Yaoi, language, suggestion of drugs, and crappy writing.

No seriously, this is totally bad; you should stop reading this… Now.

Okay, well, I warned you… (grins evilly)

"Usurakontachi…" Sasuke muttered to himself as he picked up a bundle of Naruto's clothes off the floor. After living in the same house for nearly a year, the blond had still not learned to clean up after himself. He deposited the clothing on the front lawn, hoping for rain, and went back inside to fetch something to drink. As he sat down in the kitchen, he stared off into nothingness, wondering when Naruto would be coming home from his mission. Why he alone of team seven was chosen to perform this task, Sasuke could only imagine, but the Uchiha was getting bored of sitting alone at home now. He took the last few sips of his coffee and placed the cup in the sink, then heard the door open.

"Hey Sasuke," Naruto said, "The strangest thing happened. Someone left a pile of clothing outside that looks just like mine. Now I'll have two sets of everything!"

"Baka." Sasuke sighed, watching as Naruto threw the clothing back onto the floor in what was probably an even bigger mess than before.

"How was the mission?"

Naruto made a disgusted face. "It's not fair, Sasuke-kun. Why do I have to go and buy porn for Kakashi? Why doesn't he do it himself?"

"Because, dobe, it's less effort for him if he makes you go. Besides, he'd probably die of embarrassment at the counter."

"The lady at the counter said I was a little pervert." Naruto muttered.

"Sounds like she knows you quite well then." Sasuke smirked.

Naruto stormed out of the kitchen, swearing under his breath. Sasuke chuckled to himself and went to turn the TV on. As he flipped through the channels, there was a knock at the door. He went to the door, opened it, and stared for a fraction of a second. Then shut it again.

There was a second knock.

"It's for you, Naruto." Sasuke called.

From the lounge, he heard Naruto open the door.

"Hi Sakura." Naruto said.

"Hi Naruto. Can I talk to Sasuke?"

"He's not here." Naruto replied in a deadpan tone.

"But he just answered the door!" Sakura said, her voice rising.

"No he didn't." Naruto said. Ultra deadpan.

"Yes he did!"

"No he didn't."

"I'm telling you, Naruto, he just -"

The door slammed shut, cutting her off in midsentence.

"Bye Sakura." Naruto said with a chuckle.

"Thanks Naruto." Sasuke called.

"Fuck off." was the reply.

Sasuke rolled his eyes theatrically. He flipped through a few more channels, found nothing to watch, and threw a kunai into the screen. As the glass broke, he heard Naruto shout something.

"Someone just ran in and smashed our TV Naruto." Sasuke called.

"Liar!" Naruto yelled back.

"It's true. They just ran in, threw a kunai at the TV, and ran out!"

"Go to hell, Sasuke."

"Only if you'll join me." Sasuke replied.

There was yet another knock on the door.

"If that's Sakura, I'll kill her." Sasuke muttered darkly. He opened the door and saw Inuzuka Kiba and Hyuuga Hinata.

"Hello Kiba, Hinata." Sasuke greeted. "Come inside."

He led them to the lounge and sat down on his favorite chair.

"What happened to your TV?" Kiba asked.

"Naruto broke it." Sasuke replied.

"I did not!" Naruto shouted, storming into the room. As he entered, Hinata let out a small, mouse like sound and promptly fainted.

"Freak." Naruto said, giving her a strange look.

Kiba chuckled. Sasuke looked up at the Inuzuka.

"To what do we owe this hideous intrusion? I mean the honor of this visit."

"Very funny Sasuke." Kiba said, rolling his eyes. "I just dropped by to let you guys know that the Sand Siblings are throwing a party this weekend, and you guys are invited."

"Why do we still call them the Sand Siblings if they live here in the Leaf Village now?" Naruto asked, looking puzzled.

Kiba shrugged.

"So why did Hinata come over?" Sasuke asked.

"Apparently to faint." Kiba replied, giving his teammate a scrutinizing look. "It's okay though; I'll leave her in the dumpster and see if Neji bursts a blood vessel trying to find her."

Sasuke and Naruto laughed.

"Anyway, I'd better get going. I want t go pick on Lee for a while before supper."

"Enjoy." Sasuke said, walked Kiba to the door. After he closed it behind him, Naruto swore.

"He forgot something." The blond said, pointing at Hinata who was still unconscious on the floor next to the TV, out of which the kunai was still protruding.

Sasuke looked at Hinata for a second, shrugged his shoulders, and walked off toward his bedroom.

"Just leave her." He said. He sat on his bed and turned his radio on, playing one of his Slipknot CD's.

"You know I can't stand that shit." Naruto said, coming into the room and sitting next to the Uchiha.

Sasuke shrugged. On a whim, he leaned over and kissed Naruto deeply, tongue and all. When he pulled back again, Naruto was a brilliant shade of red, and looking extremely confused.

"What the fuck was that?" he chocked out.

Sasuke shrugged again. "I wanted to find out if you're a good kisser." He said.

Naruto continued to splutter.

"Oh be quiet." Sasuke said, kissing the blond boy again.

XXX

Two days later, Sasuke was sitting in the kitchen when Naruto walked in with a determined expression.

"Sasuke, we need to talk."

"Okay." Sasuke said, standing up and walking out of the room.

"Sasuke!" Naruto yelled. "Where are you going?"

"Nothing good ever follows the phrase 'we need to talk', so I'm going to go do something else."

Naruto grumbled and followed the Uchiha.

"Sasuke, for the past two days you've been making out with me randomly, and I just want to know what's going on."

"Should I draw a picture?" Sasuke drawled sarcastically. "I think it's pretty much obvious, baka. I like you."

"You like me?" Naruto said, sounding bewildered, "So does that mean you want to date me?"

"No," Sasuke replied, "It means I want to sleep with you, and then leave you feeling alone and hurt in a dark alleyway."

"Very funny." Naruto grumbled.

"Baka. Yes, I want to date you. Anything in that you don't understand?"

Naruto shook his head slowly. "So we're a couple then?"

"You really are slow." Sasuke said, shaking his head.

Sasuke returned to the kitchen and finished his cereal, leaving Naruto to figure it out. Ten minutes later, Naruto squealed and came dashing in, tackling Sasuke straight out of his chair and onto the floor. He then proceeded to cuddle him and kiss him.

"That answers my question." Sasuke said with a faint smile.

"Sasuke-kun!" a voice called from the lounge. Sasuke went pale and looked at Naruto.

"Did you let Sakura in here?" he whispered.

"No, I didn't know she was here." The blond whispered back.

"Oh my god," They heard Sakura say, "Why the hell is Hinata passed out on the floor here?"

"Get rid of her." Sasuke muttered vehemently from between clenched teeth.

Naruto jumped up and stalked away, leaving Sasuke to listen.

"Hi Sakura."

"Naruto, what's going on here? Where's Sasuke? And why is Hinata unconscious?"

"Sasuke's gone to the shop. As for Hinata, we're trying to decide on the best way to sacrifice her."

"NANI??" Sakura yelled, "Why?"

Sasuke could almost hear Naruto suppressing a laugh.

"Well, we want to call up a dark god and ask it destroy your life. Speaking of which, what would you say makes you happiest? Just so I know what to target first, you know."

There were hurried footsteps, and the door slammed.

"She's gone." Naruto said, laughing.

"I think I cracked a rib." Sasuke said, clutching his side. "I was trying so hard to not laugh."

Naruto grinned broadly. "I'm glad you liked it."

Sasuke frowned at the figure on the floor. "We have to do something about Hinata…"

XXX

Once Hinata was safely stored inside the closet, Sasuke and Naruto walked out onto the street, heading toward the training fields.

Upon arrival, they found Kakashi, Sakura, Lee and Guy waiting for them.

"Today's training," Kakashi told them, "Will be fast paced combat. More importantly, it will be how to incapacitate your enemy before they get a chance to incapacitate you."

Sasuke picked up a log and hit Sakura over the head, rendering her unconscious.

"For fuck sake, Sasuke!" Kakashi said in exasperation, "I didn't tell you to kill your team mate."

"Oh." Sasuke said. He swung the log twice more, and Guy and Lee joined Sakura on the floor.

Kakashi looked at Sasuke with a worried frown, then at the three unconscious people.

"I guess that wraps it up for today." Kakashi said, pulling out his book and walking off quickly, before he joined the unconscious group on the floor.

"Let's go." Sasuke said.

"Give me moment." Naruto replied. He kicked Guy in the ribs, placed Sakura's hand on Lee's groin, and then took a picture.

"Okay, I'm ready."

They walked off, heading to the Ichikaru Ramen shop.

"Are we getting pork or beef today?" Naruto asked happily.

"Baka, I don't even like ramen, so why are you asking me?"

Naruto shrugged.

While they walked, Sasuke saw someone ahead of them and sighed deeply. It was too early for this shit.

"Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto…"

"Go away." Sasuke said, glaring at the Third Hokage.

"Even if I die," Sarutobi said solemnly, "the Leaf will go on! The will of Fire will not be so easily destroyed!"

"Shut up." Sasuke said.

"I'm the Third Hokage!" Sarutobi said, "You can't talk to me like that!"

"Actually," Sasuke said, "You _were _the third Hokage. Now, you're just a rotting corpse. There's nothing you can do."

"I sacrificed myself for the safety of Konoha!" The Third proclaimed in reverberating tones.

"Blap." Sasuke replied with supreme indifference.

Sarutobi looked offended and stalked off, most likely to annoy other ninja in the village.

"Orochimaru could have at least killed him properly." Sasuke muttered.

Naruto nodded sympathetically.

At the restaurant, they ran into Chouji, Ino, and Asuma. Chouji was haggling with Asuma about extra food, and Ino was steadfastly ignoring them, so she came over to Sasuke and Naruto to chat.

"Hello Sasuke, Naruto." She greeted. "Where's Sakura?"

"Kakashi kidnapped her." Sasuke said.

Ino considered this, and then shrugged. "Okay."

"Where's Shikamaru?" Naruto asked the blonde.

Ino gave a heartfelt sigh. "Shikamaru has a new habit," she explained, "He's been doing all kinds of drugs lately, so we don't take him with us often anymore."

Sasuke nodded. "Troublesome."

Ino giggled. "So yeah. He's pretty stupid for a smart guy."

Naruto began engulfing his ramen, and Sasuke carried on talking to Ino. He barely even noticed when Neji walked into the restaurant.

"Sasuke," He said desperately, "Have you seen Hinata anywhere? I can't find her, and the Head Family is going crazy."

Sasuke considered the question for a moment. "Sorry Neji, I haven't seen her around lately."

"Fuck." Neji said.

"Fuck." Sasuke agreed.

Neji ran out of the restaurant in a panic, and Sasuke sniggered.

"That was mean, Sasuke." Naruto said.

"And your point is…?"

There was a moment of silence. Ino stared over Sasuke's shoulder, and, with a squeal, ducked under the table. Sasuke turned to see why this had happened, and within seconds he joined her, along with Naruto. "Fuck it, of all the places he could have come to…"

Rock Lee walked up to the counter to talk to a waitress.

"Have any Konoha ninja come in here today?" he asked.

The woman turned to point to where Sasuke was hiding, but Naruto threw a chopstick and expertly punctured her heart, killing her."

"You know I'm going to get blamed for that." Sasuke mumbled.

Naruto smiled sweetly. "I know."

Lee looked confused as the waitress toppled over, but didn't think much of it. In fact, Lee didn't think much at all. Ever. He was one of those annoying people, commonly known as the village idiot. Compared to him and his over-large eyebrows, Naruto looked like a fucking genius.

And that was saying something, considering that Naruto was the only person that Sasuke knew that could fall asleep in front of Jiraya while the pervert was doing his thing, and not wake up while the old man had his way with him.

Sasuke pointed this out to Naruto, who swore at him. Ino looked confused.

"You mean to say that Jiraya-sama, the legendary toad sage and Sannin of the leaf, fucked Naruto?" she asked.

With a growl, Naruto grabbed another set of chopsticks, and Ino ran away, squealing like the coward she was.

"You're a bitch, Sasuke." Naruto said.

"I'm your bitch." Sasuke pointed out, and Naruto grinned in a perverted manner.

"No, Naruto," Sasuke said in a loud, and clearly audible voice, "I will not have sex with you here. That would be gross."

Naruto rolled his eyes and stalked off, leaving Sasuke with the bill.

"Fuck. I'm gonna kill him as soon as I… Oh look, pigeons…"

And with that, there was a scene change!

XXX

Sasuke wandered around the streets of Konoha, heading home and absently toying with a kunai. He saw several people he recognized, but when they called out to him he simply flipped them off and continued walking. He reached his destination and opened the front door, just as Hyuuga Hinata staggered out of the closet, looking dazed.

"What's going on?" she asked timidly, confused by her surroundings.

"Kurenai was trying to drug you, so we hid you here." Sasuke said. "Then you slept with Naruto and gave him herpes."

Hinata turned blood red and began to stutter incoherently.

"I did _what_?" she eventually spat out.

"You slept with Naruto." Sasuke said calmly, "and gave him an STD, which he now has to take pills to get rid of"

"Who's got an STD?" Naruto asked, choosing that exact moment to come around the corner. Hinata took one trembling look at him and burst into tears. She ran out the door and into the street, sobbing wildly.

Sasuke turned to Naruto.

"Now look what you've done." He said to the gorgeous blonde.

"Sasuke," the Uzumaki said in a matter of fact tone, "I hate you sometimes."

Sasuke nodded. "I know. Now can I have sex with you?"

Naruto's jaw dropped. "Do you seriously think I'm that easy?"

Sasuke pouted in a cute fashion and moved closer to the boy. He ran a hand along Naruto's spine slowly and kissed him, moaning a little for added effect.

Within two minutes, they were in the bedroom, having wild, raunchy sex, which lasted several hours.

After, Sasuke grinned wickedly and looked at his lover.

"Apparently, you are." He stated.

"Are what?" Naruto asked, bewildered.

"That easy." Sasuke said, before promptly kicking Naruto off of his bed and falling asleep.

_**XXXXXXXXXXXXXX**_

HEYHEYHEY! If you'd like to see a sequel, gimme a review and I'll give you a cookie!


	2. As if the first wasn't bad enough

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing, not even a single bowl of ramen. How sad is that??? But alas, I do not own Naruto, its characters, or its merchandise. But I should.

**Warnings: **Yaoi, excessive language, suggestion of drugs, and crappy writing.

**A/N: **Okay, so this was supposed to be a oneshot, but a certain someone challenged me to do a sequel. HA! WHO'S LAUGHING NOW? … No seriously, who's laughing, 'cuz I have no idea…

So anyway, this chapter is dedicated to **S. Wright**. I hope you enjoy it!

_**Chapter 2… **_

_**(As if the first wasn't bad enough…)**_

Sasuke was prowling the streets, looking for a strong opponent. He angrily kicked a rubbish can out of his way. He flipped off an old lady. He knocked a kid into the street, where he was promptly run over by a carriage.

It was just not his day today.

He swore loudly at an old man that stood in his way.

"Uchiha Sasuke…"

"Aw fuck." Sasuke muttered, rolling his eyes skyward.

"Even if I die -" Sarutobi began, but was quickly cut off.

"You are a fucking corpse!" Sasuke screamed. "Stop fucking walking around!"

"Fuck you!" Sarutobi yelled back. "I am the Third Hokage!"

Sasuke kicked Sarutobi in the balls and watched him drop to the ground with tears in his eyes.

"Son of a bitch!" The Third said

He flipped the Hokage off and continued to walk. Some fifty feet behind him, Sakura and Ino had mustered up a mob of fangirls that was tailing him.

"Okay girls, there's our target." Sakura said. "You lot will distract him, and while no one is looking, I can get a piece of Ino's sweet ass."

The girls looked at her, horrified. Particularly Ino.

"I mean, we can old him down and ravage him."

They crept after him silently.

Sasuke's super fangirl warning senses went off, and he started running, with a mob of angry girls screaming behind him.

"Fucksake…"

Elsewhere in the village, Naruto, being the idiot he is, was doing the usual Naruto related things. Namely, being an obnoxious little prat.

"I'm going to be the Hokage one day!" he proclaimed to the uncaring people milling around him.

No one answered him.

"I will rule this village and be the greatest ninja ever!"

Again, he was ignored.

"I'm gonna raise the taxes and rape your dogs!"

Akamaru ran off into the distance, with his tail between his legs, whimpering like a bitch.

"I'm gonna be the Hokage!" he yelled again, "So fucking pay attention to me!"

A little girl detached herself from the crowd and kicked him in the balls, hard.

"Son of a bitch!" Naruto said, his eyes filling with tears as he collapsed to the ground, curling into the fetal position.

"Fuck you, mister!" the girl said, flipping him off.

"C'mere you little whore!"

And Naruto chased her down the street, cursing wildly like an angered Hippo.

That night, Sasuke was curled up in bed with Naruto. The blonde ninja was sporting a bloody nose and two blue eyes, as well as a fractured rib.

"I swear, Sasuke, that little girl was possessed or something!"

Sasuke grunted.

"Have you seen Hinata lately?" Naruto asked.

"No." Sasuke lied, having bumped into her that morning.

"That's strange. She hasn't stalked me since the other day when she ran from the house crying. What did you say to her?"

"Kurenai tried to rape her. She was really torn up about it."

"Sasuke?"

"Hmm?"

"Fuck you."

"Okay."

Sasuke pulled off his and Naruto's clothing and proceeded to screw him six ways from Sunday.

After, Sasuke walked through to the kitchen, where he found Kakashi cooking something.

Sasuke jumped in fright and swore loudly. Clutching his furiously beating heart, he glared at his sensei.

"Fucksake, Kakashi, you have your own house! Go cook there!"

"But Sasuke-kun, Kakashi wheedled, "Iruka kicked me out again."

"Why this time?" Sasuke asked. Not that he cared or anything, but he can't _always _act like he has a block of ice instead of a heart.

"I called out your name while we were having sex." Kakashi replied.

"…"

"Um, so yeah, he told me to fuck off."

"…"

"Sasuke, why are you looking at me like that?"

"…"

"Sasuke, wait! No! Put the frying pan down!"

A swing. A thud. Omph!

Kakashi was clutching his balls on the ground, his eyes teary and bulging.

"Son of a bitch!" He choked out. "I think my balls are in my throat!"

"…"

"Oh shit! No, Sasuke!"

TWACK!

"SON OF A BITCH!"

And then, somehow, the scene changed!

XXX

Two days later, Sasuke was sitting alone in the kitchen, reading a magazine. Naruto had been sent to buy more porn for Kakashi, and the house was blessedly quiet.

He stared intently at the magazine until he heard someone clear there throat in front of him.

"Hmm?" Sasuke said.

"Hi Sasuke!"

Sasuke let out a rather, er, MANLY shriek, and toppled off of his chair, crawling away backwards, away from the pink haired stalker demon in front of him.

"No! Go away Sakura!"

Sakura got a manic glint in her eyes and pounced on Sasuke, ripping his clothing off.

"HELP!" Sasuke screamed, trying to fight off his worst nightmare.

"What are you doing Sakura? I thought you wanted Ino!"

Sakura stopped to pause.

"I do." She confirmed, "But I'm a slut, so I'll take you too! And you and Ino will live in the sex dungeon in my basement, and you will never escape!"

Looking quite deranged, she continued to tear off his clothing, which, for some stupid reason, was so brittle that it might have been made of paper.

"Now you're mine!" she yelled triumphantly, right before –

Omph!

"Son of a bitch!" Sakura squeaked out, toppling off of Sasuke and clutching her lady parts.

Hinata stood there, having just kicked Sakura in the balls that I'm pretty sure she does have.

"Sasuke! You're a liar! I did _not _give Naruto an STD!"

"It's in the microwave!" Sasuke yelled, confusing the tiny Hyuuga.

"What the fu – Son of a bitch!"

Hinata fell next to Sakura, and Sasuke bolted from the house, forgetting the fact that he was naked, and nearly got raped three times on his way to Gaara's house.

XXX

The next day, Sasuke sat in Ichiraku Ramen with Naruto, smirking evilly. This worried the blonde ninja greatly, and he backed up a little.

Neji walked in, once again, and came straight to Sasuke.

"Sasuke! Hinata told me that you kicked her between the legs yesterday."

"Okay."

"Did you?"

"Yup."

"Why?"

"…"

Neji backed off suddenly, fearful for his genitals.

Meanwhile, Sakura came in, shivering and wearing nothing but a few tattered shreds of clothing. She sat down at the counter, whimpering.

"What happened to her?" Naruto asked, but almost as if answering him, Lee walked in with a very wide and satisfied grin, making Sakura scream bloody murder and run away.

"I tied her up in front of Lee's house." Sasuke stated in a matter of fact tone.

"You're evil."

"I know."

"You need help."

"I know."

Sasuke slurped the ramen, which he found quite disgusting.

He kissed Naruto and stood up. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and do it again."

"Sasuke, I don't think that even Sakura would fall for that twice in one day."

How wrong he was.

An hour later, Sakura's screams could be heard from Lee's house, where Sakura was tied, naked, to a lamp post.

XXX

Naruto sat outside the Hokage's office, determined to lodge a complaint about Kakashi's 'secret missions' to the porn store. He was staring at the door of the office, when he heard a voice behind him.

"Hey there, Naruto… What's a sexy little bishounen like you doing here?"

Naruto whimpered like a little girl and turned to look at the perverted toad sage behind him, tears of fear standing in his eyes.

"Jiraya! No! Not again!"

Jiraya grinned his perverted grin and tore Naruto's clothes off.

"Your mouth says no, young bishi, but your body is screaming yes!"

"No it's not!" Naruto yelled.

"…"

Jiraya proceeded to screw Naruto anyway.

Hearing the disturbance, Tsunade came out of her office and saw the horrific scene in front of her. Naturally, her keen Shinobi instincts to protect her own kin kicked in, meaning that, surely, she would save Naruto from this humiliation.

"Shizune! Get out here quickly, and bring popcorn!"

The Fifth Hokage and her assistant watched Jiraya violate Naruto in every way possible, and eventually started a smut session of their own.

Finally, when he couldn't take it anymore, Naruto swung his leg upwards and connected with Jiraya's bits.

"Son of a bitch!"

The blonde scrambled to his feet and pulled on his pants.

"Hey! We were watching that!" Tsunade yelled, getting angry.

"Fuck you, you alcoholic granny!" Naruto yelled back, swinging his foot again.

"Son of a bitch!" Tsunade grunted. "C'mere you little mother fucker…"

Sensing danger and catching a glimpse of imminent death, Naruto scrambled from the Hokage's office.

XXX

As he got out, he ran straight into Hinata. The little girl, of course, fainted immediately, and Naruto kicked her in the ribs for good measure before running home.

"Sasuke!" he called, bursting in, "Sasuke, Jiraya had his way with me again!"

"Okay." Sasuke said, holding back a laugh.

"What do you mean, okay?"

"Did you like it?"

"… yes."

"Okay." Sasuke said again. He walked into the lounge, took a short corner, and knocked into a coffee table.

"Mother fu –"

He picked up the table and threw it through a window, shattering it.

"Naruto! That Lee kid smashed our window!"

"Liar!"

"He did! He just threw a brick through it!"

Just then, someone stepped into the room.

"Fucksake!" Sasuke said angrily, "Not again!"

Sarutobi looked at him solemnly.

"The will of Fire will never –"

Sasuke threw another coffee table, knocking The Third unconscious.

Then Lee walked in.

"Sasuke-kun! I was hoping I would find you here! I wish to fight you and test my newest, greatest, most best and awesome move that the wonderful Guy-sensei imparted to me in confidence! And then, in our heated and passionate battle –"

Sasuke threw the dilapidated television at him.

"CHAAA! Sasuke-kun!"

"What the fuck is going on here?" Sasuke shouted, hurling a chair at Ino. The blonde girl was knocked unconscious, and Sakura quickly ran in and grabbed her.

"Her sweet, milky white ass is mine!" Sakura said, hoisting the girl up and batting her eyelashes at Sasuke.

"I'll be back for you later, Sasuke…"

Sasuke looked around at the wreckage.

"Naruto! Get in here!"

Naruto calmly walked in, took in the destructive scene, shrugged, and walked out again.

Lee began to stir, and Sasuke ran over to him.

"Son of a bitch!" Lee shouted, clutching his just-kicked man jewels as Sasuke sprinted from the house.

XXX

Elsewhere in the village, Temari, the former Sand kunoichi, was doing battle with TenTen, the Leaf's weapons specialist. She dodged several kunai and shuriken and laughed.

Whipping out her gigantic fan, she faced her bun-headed opponent.

"Wow. That's a huge fan."

"I know." Temari said.

"I'll bet you can get really kinky with that thing."

Temari looked at the other girl with a very worried expression.

"…"

"Wanna spank me with it?"

"AAAAAH!"

Temari ran away screaming, with TenTen running after her.

"Baby I love you! Come back and knock me around with that massive sex toy!"

XXX

Sasuke stalked through the streets once again, looking for someone to fight. He blinked in the bright sunlight as he came face to face with none other than Uchiha Itachi.

"Little brother…"

"Itachi!" Sasuke spat. Er, really spat. Itachi wiped the spit from his face, looking horrified.

"That's disgusting, Sasuke! Ew! My robes are sticky now! You're so gross Sasuke!"

Sasuke hissed like a cat and started spitting and scratching his older brother.

"Ow! Ow, damn it! Fucksake Sasuke! AAH! Don't pull my hair!"

Itachi began to claw at Sasuke, hissing and spitting like crazy.

And so, the brothers of the noble, legendary Uchiha clan, users of the Sharingan, fought each other like little girls.

"Ah! You scratched my arm!"

"My face! My beautiful face!"

"Take that, bitch!"

After many a girly slap, they finally broke apart, panting like two unfit joggers suffering from a collective heart attack.

"Whore!" Itachi said.

"Slut!" Sasuke yelled back.

"Bitch!"

"Daddy's girl!"

Itachi gasped.

"Oh, you didn't!"

"Oh yes I did!"

And the bitch slap fight continued, with even more spitting and scratching.

XXX

Kiba and Hinata stood in the training field with Shino. The tiny Hyuuga girl seemed very distressed. The fact that the entire Leaf village seemed to be comprised of mentally deranged homosexuals was upsetting her, and she decided that she needed to bring it up with her team mates.

"What are we going to do?" she asked them.

"Well, first thing is first." Kiba said grimly, "Shino, you're ass is mine!"

"Y – You mean you want to spar with Shino-kun?" Hinata stammered.

Kiba blinked at her. "Er, no. I mean that I want his sweet ass."

And Hinata collapsed in a heap as her team mates began to have hot gay sex right in front of her.

XXX

Again, Naruto was proclaiming his idiocy to the world.

"I'm going to be the Hokage! I will rule this village!"

He was ignored.

"You realize that they don't give a fuck, right?" Sasuke commented.

Naruto started crying. "No one loves me!"

"That's not true, Naruto." Sasuke said, putting a comforting arm around the blonde's shoulders.

"You mean, you love me?" Naruto asked with pleading eyes that were so sappy and emotional that you'd want to throw up if you saw them.

"Hells no." Sasuke said, "But Jiraya sure does."

Naruto cried harder.

"Fuck you, Sasuke!"

"Fuck you, Naruto!"

"Fuck you!"

Sasuke kicked Naruto between the legs.

"Son of a bitch!"

Running away, Sasuke came face to face with the same little girl that had accosted Naruto earlier.

"Hey mister, did you do that to that annoying blonde kid?"

"Why, yes I did." Sasuke replied, sensing no danger.

"That's great." She said with a demonic glint in her eyes.

She swiftly kicked Sasuke in the balls and ran away, hooting with laughter.

"SON OF A BITCH!" Sasuke moaned.

_**XXXXXXX**_

**A/N: **Okay, so I'm sure many of you will want to point out that I lost the story line. But that's not true, since there was no story line to begin with!

I hope you had as much fun reading it as I had writing it, and I especially hope that S. Wright enjoyed it.


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